True meaning of love
by Cindy aka SG1PhileShipper
Summary: What is the meaning of love?


TRUE MEANING OF LOVE  
  
  
Disclaimer: Hohoho, CC, 1013 and Fox are Santa here. No fringe is intended. I'll treat them with respect and give em back when I'm finished. Please don't sue me.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: None, nada, zip  
  
Classification: V/R Scully POV  
  
Keywords: MSR  
  
Summary: What is the meaning of love?  
  
Author's Note: Please bare with me here. I had written a good part of this story when something happened. I accidently touched the wrong button and all was gone. And I couldn't get it back . So that would be my second try and hopefully my last.  
  
Feedback: Is extremely appreciated at cindy.vandenplas@skynet.be  
  
  
TRUE MEANING OF LOVE by Cindy Vandenplas  
  
  
What is the true meaning of love? Sometimes I wonder if a lot of people know what it means. All you hear about lately are divorces and that is the part I don't get. How can you be in love with someone so madly one minute and the next minute it's all over? I wonder how that can be? Are people not honest with themselves sometimes? I guess the real question here is if people still know what being in love means.  
  
In my opinion, the strongest form of love is friendship. Friendship is pure, honest and true. And that is exactely how love should be. Friends are made to be there for each other. They are made to help each other through good and bad times. Just like lovers should be, friends are meant to be honest to each other. And if people would be more honest with each other, you would see the divorces drop like leaves in autumn. I think the real problem is that people are no longer honest with themselves. And how can you be honest with someone else, when you are not honest with yourself?  
  
How many times have you not heard that when you make an important decision, you should listen to your head and not to your heart? But if you do so, you die. Because your heart lives for to main reasons: To love and to be loved And you can die in two ways. You die when you heart stops beating and you die when you stop listening to your heart. Because only your heart knows the truth. And the truth can be deep inside of you sometimes. Hidden far away, without knowing it was there.   
  
Everyone will wonder if I really know what loves means. And the answer to that is yes. Cause I have fallen in love with my best friend. And I can't make a mistake here or I will loose all we have worked so hard for in the last six years. If I would loose him, I would loose myself. And if I would loose myself, my life would be over.  
  
Mulder is not exactely the kind of guy I saw myself with when I was in college. I pictured myself with someone working at a bank or something and coming home at five. Someone to cuddle with me on the couch and watching television. And Mulder is the opposite of that. But I am not what I pictured myself to be either. We are both opposites. And opposites attract each other. That is why I fell in love with Mulder.  
  
Love is the most wonderful feeling in the world. It's consuming your every thought. You get up with it, eat with it, work with it and go to bed with it. It makes you feel miserable and wonderful at the same time. But why feeling miserable if you feel like taking the world on your shoulder?  
  
Mulder doesn't know how I feel about him. I never had the guts to tell him. But I do love him more than I love myself. I would walk through the fire for him. I would give up my own life for him. But why am I too scared to tell him? Because I am too scared he doesn't feel the same and that I would loose his friendship. On the other hand I am so scared to see him happy with someone else some day. I am scared that if I say how I feel I will loose him. Either way, I would loose him. And I can't stand to see him go. He is a part of me, the best part of myself. The part I never thought I had.  
  
Sometimes I think Mulder loves me too, just by the way he looks at me. He likes to talk to me, to keep me company. He just adores to tease me and then I tease him back. I love to help him out on whatever it is and he does the same for me. We love doing smaltalk and to sit side by side doing nothing. When we are talking the rest of the world does not exist anymore. You could drop a bomb and I am not sure we would here it. When our hands touch by accident, I feel like I could die happy. The smallest touch sets me on fire and sometimes I think Mulder has that too.  
  
How did all this started? Pretty stupid I guess. I was walking down the FBI corridors with files. I dropped them and Mulder moved to my side and helped me to pick them oup. And then I know I was in love with the guy. Blood was pulsing through my veins like a madman was chasing it. My heartbeat was speeding up to 180 miles an hour and I must have turned red like a tomato. Lucky for me, Mulder didn't notice. It has been more than two years now, and I can't get rid of this feeling. I feel empty and alone. I feel like I could do anything at the same time. I feel lucky and sad. But most of all, I feel alive.  
  
One day I am sure Mulder is in love with me too and the other I have my doubts. Everytime he seems to need my attention, he looks me straight in the eyes and I am lost. A lost cause, with not a chance to recover. And the slightest touch sends me on cloud seven. To be honest, I think both of us are too scared to do something about it. Everyone that has seen Mulder and me together says he loves me too. He keeps looking for my company and we seem to act like a married couple. It never occured to me, how much we are at ease with each other.  
  
Mulder loves to touch me. He has done it more than once and I doubt it you would do that if you don't feel strong about that person. Let me give some examples: Mulder was talking to me and wanted to ask me something. He came to stand in front of me, looked me in the eyes and started petting my arm. All I could do was nod and do as I was asked. I did what I was asked and met Mulder downstairs. I gave him what he asked for and he had a funny look on his face. I looked at him, threw his stuff in his arms and ran off. Mulder was surprised and I could feel it. At that moment it occured to me how accurate everyone could be when saying he loves me too. And how much it is true that I love touching him too. And neither one of us never says anything about it. I needed to pass by him and laid my hand on his back. I could feel his surprise, but he didn't say anything. He needed to pass by me and he laid both his hand on my hips. I didn't say anything about it. I know I would complain if someone else did. And I am sure Mulder would do too. We are so at ease with each other and at the same time we are not.  
  
And I have seen a jealous Mulder too. I was talking with a colleague about something and Mulder understood the name Tony. I don't know how he got to that, but he was surprised. My colleague said he was jealous and all he did was laughing and saying nothing. And I realized how true she could have been. If only I would have the guts to move up to Mulder, look him in the eyes and say what my heart has been screaming for so long: I love you and I need you in my life in every possible way. And I am pretty sure that day will come sooner than I hope. Because if a wish is a dream your heart makes and a dreams speaks for the future, then my heart has known all along that hapiness comes to those who wait.  
  
THE END.   
  
How did you like it? Drop me a note if you happened to like it. Thanks for reading. 


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